He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
