FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i now understand why vodka
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
