My hand turned me down
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
