ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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