And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize