Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hippo gnu deer
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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