Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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