Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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