A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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