her vagine was all disorganized.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
