I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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