Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
