I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize