I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
