last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
