Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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