thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
