according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
