I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
