I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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