i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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