Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
