he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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