he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
