she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
