Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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