Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
