this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
be right there i have to get my cape
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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