just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
