Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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