Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
