Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
