i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
