Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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