dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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