You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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