Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
