why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
