does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize