so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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