Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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