I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
