Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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