I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
