So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
