My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
