no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
