i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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