if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
