My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We talked him into tasing himself.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
