and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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