I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
