i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
