They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How's work?
Spinning.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
