You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
