before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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