I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
