If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
