I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize