After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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