he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
