I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
