I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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