Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
