Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize