Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
