you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
