I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
