If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
