I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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