I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
