I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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