I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
