I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
