I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
