I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
