I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize