Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
