i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
