Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
