I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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