Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
