Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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