Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
