based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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