we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
