What did we do last night that was yellow?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
