Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
