Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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