eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
