How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize