As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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