my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't deserve a penis
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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