Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize