I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
