Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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