I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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