This is not my ceiling
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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