Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
