i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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