dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
