That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize