I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this boner is exhausting
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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