some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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