I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
