i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
