What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
