Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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